UPBUILDING THE SELF

The Ego Trap of Parenting

Carl Jung famously stated, "The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents." In this episode, Michael, Rasanath, and Vipin explore the connection between ego and parenting, and how unresolved ambitions, unmet needs, and unconscious identities quietly influence the way we raise our children. These inner dynamics lead us to place invisible expectations on our kids, hoping they will achieve or become what we have not yet faced in ourselves. They discuss how the desire to be seen in a certain way can subtly shape, and even strain, our relationships with our children. Through stories of homeschooling struggles, moments of public embarrassment, and the ever-present feeling of envy, they reflect on how personal growth can create the space for our children to live their own lives more freely. They also dive into how parenting, at its best, becomes a spiritual practice. It reveals what we need to work on within ourselves and invites us to grow in ways we might otherwise avoid.

Podcast Hosts: Michael, Rasanath, and Vipin

Listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your preferred podcast platform

Highlights

  • [01:10] The role of ego in parenting

  • [02:10] Personal examples of ego showing up in parenting

  • [07:40] Competence and character

  • [09:30] The identities that parents cling to

  • [15:40] How parents objectify their kids

  • [17:00] The transfer of shame from a parent to a child

  • [19:10] Long-term costs: emotional distancing, resentment, conditional love

  • [20:50] Exhaustion and the loss of authentic connection

  • [24:20] Self-work as the unavoidable starting point

  • [26:20] The importance of mirroring

  • [28:30] Holding a “larger map” for the child

  • [32:40] Creating Space Between Stimulus and Response

  • [40:30] Operating from the true self in a parent-child relationship

Quotes

  • “So much of parenting is a reflection of our own relationship with ourselves. It holds an inescapable mirror in terms of what we have to look at.” - Rasanath

  • “It is through the eyes of the parents that the child begins to establish its own identity. So the parents become the mirror…[And] if the mirror is distorted…then the child can't truly see themselves. …That will be something…they…carry with them for the rest of their life.” - Rasanath

  • “Children are so good at exposing the exact parts of us that are attached, that are reactive, that are controlling, that are insecure.” - Vipin

  • “Parenting softens the illusion of control…it constantly reminds me that I am not in charge of how things unfold.” - Vipin

For first timers, welcome to Upbuilding the Self

About the podcast: Two former monks, a former startup founder and CEO, and a former equity derivatives trader dive into how to be our best selves, free from the ego. Our egos are the identities we create for ourselves and wish the world to validate, but when we are not seen as we want to be, we feel insecure. This podcast lives at the intersection of leadership and spirituality. It will help you understand your ego and shed light on your inner world so that you can act with greater clarity, compassion, and the freedom to be your best self.

We also have three upcoming programs. Please reserve your spot ASAP.