Controlling Level of Consciousness

The Controlling Level of Consciousness is the most common experience we have in life. It is the level of consciousness where most of us spend the majority of our time. It is characterized by conscious or unconscious neediness, where we prioritize ourselves over others and rely on habitual strategies to make the world affirm the version of ourselves we believe we should be. The energy here is one of proving and defending.

At this level, our fixation on the ego’s agenda restricts our ability to choose freely. Our choices are limited by the need to uphold a specific image or identity, leaving little room for true freedom or flexibility.

Validation, when it comes, is fleeting. Even when we succeed in gaining the approval or recognition we crave, it doesn’t satisfy us. Why? Because it wasn’t given freely—it was coerced through our controlling efforts. The effect is hollow and short-lived.

The Controlling Level of Consciousness is like quicksand: the more validation we receive, the more we need. It fosters a dependency, tying our sense of worth to how we are perceived. This fragile foundation traps us in an endless, exhausting cycle, yearning for something that never truly satisfies.

Examples of Controlling Consciousness behaviors: self-righteous, fault-finding, flattering, hovering, attention hungry, chameleonic, snobbish, melancholic, eccentric, reclusive, suspicious, micro-managing, restless, non-committal, armored, bossy, disengaged, procrastinating.

Coaching application: Do a repeating question exercise with your client. Ask your client the question, "How do you like the world to see you?" and repeat the same question after each response. Encourage them to answer quickly without overthinking, allowing deeper layers of their motivations to emerge. Continue for a set time (e.g., 5 minutes). Afterward, invite them to reflect on what they discovered about the underlying needs driving their Controlling Consciousness behaviors.

Life application: Choose two Controlling Consciousness behaviors that frequently recur in your life. For the next week, take a few minutes at the end of each day to list how these behaviors showed up. Reflect on whether you notice any changes or patterns as a result of this practice.

• [Podcast] “There I Go Again” (Apple / Spotify)

• [Article] Trading Derivatives and the Shame-Based Fear of Being Ordinary